A Soul Deep Wound
by Callisto-HK
Summary: -Sequel to 'Just a Flesh Wound! You need to read that one first! - Sam's still not back to normal; Dean is getting weaker, but as usual, in order to make sure Sam's alright, he pushes his own pain aside! Cas is missing, too. So, All in all, Dean is deteriorating and that's the last thing on everyone's mind. /Set right after season 8's finale./ -READ the A/N, PLEASE-
1. Chapter 1

_**IMPORTANT A/N: **_

_This is **a sequel **to my other story: **'Just a flesh wound'!** And it really won't make sense if you haven't read that one. But it was a short one-shot, so I don't think it'd be hard to read that fic first and come back for this one._

_**Fair Warning**: This is heavily Dean-centric, as all my stories are, but other characters are involved, too. Just know that Sam is not so sweet here; but I've tried to keep him in character. I'm not bashing him; but in my eyes some of his moves are totally wrong. So **if you're a devoted Sam-girl, I don't think this is your story.** Consider yourself warned and don't leave any offensive comments, because as much as I love a constructive feedback, I don't tolerate hateful words._

_**Contains Spoilers from Season 8, but nothing from season 9! So if you wanna stay spoiler-free, you're safe here!**_

**_Full Summary:_** After the events of Season 8 finale, Sam's weak and mentally, he's not in a good place; and that's the reason why he forgets about Dean's condition.  
Dean is feeling the pain more and more each day, but as usual, in order to make sure Sam's alright, he pushes his own pain aside and refuses to acknowledge it. Because, well, it's Dean; in his eyes, Sam always comes first and right now Sam's not in a state to be alone or to be forced to deal with his ailing brother.  
And then there's Cas. He's missing, and after what they saw that night outside the church, Dean can't help thinking Cas is somewhere out there, needing his help. So, he's trying to locate his friend, too.  
All in all, Dean is deteriorating and that's the last thing on everyone's mind.

**.**

* * *

**.**

**. A Soul Deep Wound .**

**.**

It'd been one week since the night in church.

Sam and Dean were back to their bunker and they were getting used to having Kevin there all the time.

Of course, Kevin would stay in his room most of the time; leaving just occasionally to see if the brothers were OK and if there was anything he could do. But so far, there was nothing for him to do, except... Observing the situation.

Sam was still a bit weak, but he was getting better every day.

Physically, at least.

Mentally, he wasn't doing that good. He seemed distant; well, OK, _more_ distant and more reserved. He would barely talk and despite all Dean's efforts, he'd barely acknowledge his older brother.

Dean seemed worse if you asked Kevin. He was literally running on coffee and Kevin could see the toll it was taking on him.

There had been nights when Kevin would get up to drink some water or use the bathroom and he'd find Dean either nodding off by Sam's bedside, or sitting at the huge table in the hall, trying to find something about Cas.

And like that wasn't enough, he was also trying to make sure that Kevin was alright.

But since coming to that place, Kevin had been good and he'd told that to Dean over and over again.

He actually was feeling guilty for ever doubting Dean's good intention and for calling him names, but he didn't know how to apologize and how to make Dean see that he was there to help.

So yeah, between them, Dean seemed to be in the worst place and yet, there wasn't anything Kevin could do. So he'd decided to do the only thing that he could and that was finding a way to locate Castiel or other fallen angels and realize what they could do about that situation.

That might put Dean's mind at ease. At least a little bit.

Sam didn't feel like doing anything and after his nervous breakdown in the church, he didn't want to speak about his feelings with Dean, either. But Dean wouldn't let go. He'd keep bugging him about eating something or doing stuff and he was really frustrated.

Lately, he'd been snapping at Dean a lot, but like almost every other time, his brother didn't seem fazed at all and that irritated Sam even more; Dean the freaking perfect man.

Don't get it wrong, he did love his brother. But he just couldn't take it any longer. He felt like he was letting Dean down over and over again and instead of finding a way to fix it, he'd always find a way to make things worse and damn Dean for being so understanding.

Dean for his part was worse off than anyone would think, but he was a master at compartmentalizing things and pretending to be OK; he was so good that sometimes even he, himself, would believe it.

But no matter how hard he tried, he was getting weaker and weaker with every passing minute. He was tired of Sam pushing him away, he was tired of not knowing how to help is brother and he sure as hell was tired of looking for Cas and finding no trace of the wayward angel.

_Just who the hell did the Universe think he was? Friggin' Superman?_... No, he was _Batman_; he even had the cave. With that thought, he smiled faintly and got up from behind the laptop and went to check on Sam.

It was 3.30 in the morning and between Sam's nightmares and Cas being gone, Dean didn't have much time to rest; not that he was fond of the idea of sleeping, anyway. He'd get naps, but that was enough for him. It wasn't his first time. He could take it.

The only problem was that he knew physically he wasn't all good this time.

His vision around his left eye was getting darker and the headache was almost a constant company; although that probably wasn't just because of the problem with his eye; not taking enough food or sleep was taking their toll on him.

He also was finding it harder to use his right arm and despite his distaste for pills, on more than one occasion, he had been forced to take a painkiller. But what other choices did he have? He had Sam to take care of and Cas to look for. He didn't have time to lie in a bed and whine over his boo-boos.

Walking into Sam's room, he found his brother awake.

Sam turned his head towards him and frowned when he saw Dean. "Don't you have any better thing to do than watching over me?" The younger brother growled. "It's half past 3 in the morning, for God's sake. Don't worry; I'm not going to do anything stupid, you can get some sleep." he added sarcastically.

Dean rolled his eyes. It wasn't the first time he'd heard those angry words from Sam in the past week and he knew it wouldn't be the last. "No, Not really." he shrugged as he only addressed the first part of Sam's outburst. "You OK?"

"I'd be if you stopped checking on me every damn half an hour."

"Sam, you barely eat or sleep. You've been through a lot and I told you that we'll get through this together. But you have to _let_ me help. Don't push me away, man." Dean was really tired and for the first time he felt he was on the verge of breaking down or giving up.

Sitting down on the edge of Sam's bed, he reached out to put a hand on his brother's shoulder, but when Sam harshly pushed his hand away, he jumped from where he was sitting and swayed, if only a little.

His arm throbbed at the hard impact from Sam's hand and started to go numb; something that he'd been experiencing a lot lately.

Next thing he knew Sam was on his feet too, pushing him away from himself. Literally this time.

Dean could say that Sam was saying something and growling angrily, and he probably would've been able to get what Sam was saying, if his ears weren't ringing so loud.

He tried to stand his ground. "Sam, hey... Hey, calm down. It's OK. Everything will be alrig-"

He didn't get the chance to finish his phrase as Sam's hard fist connected with his left cheekbone and he instantly found himself on his back two feet away. The world was spinning around his head and he couldn't see anything out of his left eye. The ringing in his ears had been replaced by a loud buzz, but he thought he heard Sam yelling at him, telling him not to dare say everything would be alright; because they wouldn't.

And then the spinning stopped and everything went black.

.

The sound of an argument and angry shouts roused Kevin from his sleep and wearily he left the room to see what was going on. He always knew that sooner or later the dam would break and either Sam or Dean would snap, but he'd really hopped it would happen at a more reasonable time.

Cautiously walking towards Sam's now quiet room, he expected to find the brothers in an intimate position; one, more likely Dean, comforting the other. That's why what he saw made him think that he was still dreaming.

This couldn't be true. There simply was no way for what he was seeing to be real; Dean, lying on his back on the ground, clearly unconscious with Sam sitting on the edge of his bed with his face buried in his hands? No, he must be dreaming.

Blinking a few times, Kevin tried to decide what to do and finally stepped inside the room and quietly knelt beside Dean's prone form. Reaching for his pulse, even though he knew it'd be there, he sighed with relief when he found the strong beat beneath his fingers.

"Sam?" he tentatively called out but got no reaction from the older man. Turning his attention back to the fallen brother, he tried to at least get some response from him.

"Dean?" he shook him gently and when he got the same response that he'd gotten from the younger brother, which was no response at all, he slightly raised his voice and shook Dean harder. "Hey, Dean. Come on, open your eyes."

Still nothing.

Feeling a bit alarmed, he looked up to find Sam frowning at him from where he was sitting.

"Sam? What's happened here? Did you hit him? I can't wake him up."

Sam blinked at those words as if he was just coming back to the present. Taking a deep breath, he said, "let him be. He's probably just exhausted."

"So what?" Kevin asked incredulously. "We just leave him here on the floor?"

Sam shrugged. "He's slept in worse places." he said and threw his pillow and a sheet to Kevin as he, himself, lay on his back and closed his eyes.

Kevin sat there a few minutes, completely in shock. He didn't know what to do, but he knew it wasn't right to just leave Dean on the floor. On the other hand, Sam had a point. Dean had _been_ exhausted, so maybe it was for the best to just let him get some much needed rest.

Finally giving in, the young prophet put the pillow under Dean's head and tried to make him comfortable before leaving the room.

He couldn't go back to sleep anymore, so he just sat in the hall and waited for the morning to arrive.

**.**

**.**

**... TBC ...**

**.**

**.**

* * *

**_A/N: I'd love to know what_**_** you think**_**_! :)_**

_Sorry for any mistakes._

_._

_._


	2. Chapter 2

_Finally giving in, the young prophet put the pillow under Dean's head and tried to make him comfortable before leaving the room._

_He couldn't go back to sleep anymore, so he just sat in the hall and waited for the morning to arrive._

* * *

The morning came and left and when the noon gave its place to the evening, Kevin finally decided that he'd had enough. No matter how exhausted Dean was, he needed some food and drink. It was time to wake up.

So Kevin walked back to Sam's room and found out that Sam wasn't there. He must've left when Kevin had dozed off behind the desk in the hall.

Sitting down by Dean's side, he shook the older man, only to receive no response again. Panic had started to set in when Sam came back.

"He's not waking up." Kevin looked up worriedly.

"He's tired." Sam stated matter-of-factly.

"Dammit, Sam." Kevin couldn't take it anymore and absently wondered how Dean could be so patient with Sam. "He's been sleeping for 16 hours straight. And he's _not_ waking up. He's unconscious."

"Why would he be unconscious?" Sam rolled his eyes.

"Maybe because you punched him?" _Dammit, he really wished he'd never met these two annoying, absolutely unbelievable guys._

"Who do you think I am? The incredible Hulk? I can't punch that hard."

"The bruising around his eye says differently." Kevin growled. "Look, I don't care what you think; just help me get him to the car. I'm pretty sure we should take him to a hospital, so I will, but he's too heavy for me. Help me and then you can do whatever you want."

Rolling his eyes again, Sam put his hands under Dean's armpits and pulled up. "Grab his legs. And don't say I didn't tell you when the doctors laugh at you for freaking out over him sleeping too soundly."

"Whatever."

.

That night Sam stayed in his room alone and at first, he really enjoyed not having Dean around to bug the hell out of him, but soon he started to get worried. Despite what he'd said to Kevin, he was a bit concerned after moving Dean to his beloved car and getting no reaction from his brother.

Going to Dean's room, he waited for Dean and Kevin to walk in any minute and when hours passed with no sign of either of them, he got tired and fall asleep.

The next morning he felt a lot better than he'd felt in a long time and that probably was because he hadn't had any nightmares the night before. At first he wondered about the reason but when he found himself in Dean's room and bed, he realized why and although he wouldn't admit it out loud, he was pleased to see that his brother still had the same effect on him that he had when they were kids.  
Back then, when he was scared of something, he'd spend the night in Dean's bed and merely Dean's scent would give him all the reassurance that he needed and he knew that he was safe, so he'd sleep soundly.

He hadn't tried that for years, ages, actually and now after so many years, he still felt the same.

Smiling at the memory, he got up and stretched his body and it was only then that he remembered why he'd been in Dean's bedroom in the first place. He left the room in hope to find Dean outside and found nobody there.

Feeling the dread grow inside him, he grabbed his cellphone and dialed Dean's number. The ringing tone came from somewhere in the room and he realized that Dean hadn't had the phone with him when Kevin had taken him to the hospital.

Oh damn, what the hell was wrong with him? Had he really let Kevin take _his_ brother to the hospital? Why hadn't _he_ gone with them? Why had he been so damn ignorant?

Calling Kevin's number, he heard Kevin's voice after the second ring. "I was sure you'd never call."

"Kevin? Why are you not back? Where are you? Where's Dean? What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" Kevin sounded really angry. "What's wrong is that Dean is in a partial coma with-" he stopped mid-sentence.

He couldn't talk about it behind the phone, but he could give Sam a piece of his mind, especially since Dean wasn't his responsibility. "What's wrong is that your brother, _your_ brother, not mine, is lying unconscious in an ICU bed while you're taking your sweet time to decide to give a shit. What's wrong is that they could've prevented Dean from falling into a freaking coma if you hadn't insisted on him being just tired and asleep after punching him so hard. What's wrong is that you didn't even bother to come with me to the hospital and I had to _lie_" he growled in a low voice, "about Dean's identity and everything else just to get him admitted. What's wrong is that you didn't even fucking answer your phone when I tried to call and ask for your help to fill his forms. But hey, guess that shouldn't surprise me. You're clearly not too fond of answering your phone. The same thing happened when Dean disappeared and I needed your help. And strangely enough, I feel a bit better, now; because if you don't care about your own brother, then you not answering my calls two years ago suddenly doesn't sound that bad." Kevin didn't know what all those things had come from, but he didn't regret speaking his mind; so he just cut the line after coldly telling Sam the name of the hospital and Dean's alias.

Sam was astounded.

He didn't know how to react to anything that he'd just heard. Dean was in a come? _He_ had put his brother in a coma and had left him on the floor of his bedroom? Jesus Christ, what if Kevin hadn't been there? What if Kevin hadn't insisted on taking Dean to the hospital? Would Sam leave him there just to _'rest'_ and would Dean slowly and quietly die?  
The thought sent a shiver down his spine and his knees buckled.  
Dean was in a coma, and he was responsible for that. He hadn't even heard his cellphone when Kevin had called him for Dean's information.

And damn if Kevin's last words hadn't stung. The kid had been right, though; he hadn't answered his calls two years ago, and neither had he last night.

Pushing himself up, he walked out of the bunker to go to the hospital, knowing well that Kevin had gotten any insurance or identity card needed from the Impala.

As he walked into the hospital, he found Kevin standing near the nurses' desk, apparently waiting for him.

"They don't tell me much, since I'm not family, but I told them you were coming so they're waiting for you. He's on the third floor." Kevin announced with a little bit anger tinting his voice.

Sam nodded and just walked towards the elevator, knowing that Kevin was following him.

Once up, the nurse told them to wait for her to call Dean's doctor.

"Mr. Mathews?" the doctor's voice made Sam look up from where he was sitting.

"Sam." he said as he stood up and shook the other man's hand.

"Dr. Shelton."

"What can you tell me about my brother, Dr. Shelton?"

"Well, your brother is currently in a semi-comatose state, but he's already showing signs of waking up. There was minor cerebral bleeding at the back of his head where he'd hit the ground, but with the right medication we've been able to control it and it's resolving perfectly."

Sam found himself sighing with relief. Dean was going to be alright. "So, he's gonna be alright?"

"We still have to monitor him for that concussion. It's initially been a minor concussion, but sadly because it hasn't been treated right away, it's gotten a bit out of hand. But barring any unforeseen complications, he should be fine." he paused. "At least, that's not we're worried about."

"Then _what_ is?" Sam frowned. What other problem could Dean have?

"Let me ask you something first; has your brother been in any kinds of fight in the past few months? Or has he been kidnapped and tortured?" Andrew Shelton wasn't the type to beat around the bush, he believed in straightforward approaches. That always had the best results.

Sam's frown deepened. What the heck was he supposed to say to that? Their life was a long torture session, but he couldn't remember Dean getting injured recently,... Except-... Oh, God! His eyes widened as he suddenly remembered Dean getting injured in Cas' hand and not being completely healed afterwards. Damn, how in the hell had he forgotten that? Dean had pushed his problems aside to help Sam finish the trials and at the end, instead of forcing Dean to get some medical attention for those injuries, he'd forgotten about them and had hurt Dean further.

Man, he was going to be sick.

The doctor saw the changes on Sam's face and took pity on him. "Look, your friend here," he motioned to Kevin with his head, "told me that Dean has been in the navy. Is this related to that?"

Sam's training kicked in and he found his voice. "He..." he cleared his throat. "I know that a few months back he'd been captured and hit pretty badly, but he'd been unable to get medical attention immediately and by the time that his mission was over and he was back, the wounds were healed. I can't tell you much, since I wasn't there myself and the mission is classified; so no details."

"So you know nothing about his injuries?" Shelton could say that Sam knew more than he was letting on.

"A friend of his once mentioned broken arm and cheekbone, but Dean... Dean is not the type to complain and tends to hide his injuries. He said he was fine and refused to get any help. What's it, doc? Is it bad?"

"I'm afraid it is." the other man sighed. "The two parts of his right humerus is fused in the wrong position and is putting pressure on the nerves. Honestly, I don't know how someone can tolerate that kind of pain and carry on, but we tested his blood and there were no traces of any types of drug in there."

"You thought Dean's been using drugs to get rid of pain?" Sam saw red. How dare a doctor who knew nothing about his brother accused him of such things?

"I'm sorry, Sam. But that's the first thing that comes to mind in situations such as this. Try to understand us; the kinda pain he must've been in is too much to bear or explain. And being in the war zone and possibly tortured, amplifies the chances of turning to drugs. We wouldn't have judged him even _if_ he'd been using anything. But that's not the point. He was clean and that's why I'm so mystified."

"He has a high tolerance for pain." _Dealing with some sort of pain your whole life would do that to you._

"Too high if you ask me." The doctor nodded. "If he hadn't been able to tolerate the pain, he would've sought medical attention and things wouldn't have gone this far."

"How far exactly are we talking here?"

The doctor looked Sam in the eyes for a few seconds before answering. "Once he wakes up and is in a condition to stand the surgery, we'll take him right to the operating room. We have to rebreak that bone and set it right; we're going to have to insert some plates, pins and screws into your brother's arm to fix the bone and then a neurosurgeon should work on the nerves to make sure they aren't damaged. If we postpone this surgery any longer, there might be long term damage to the muscle groups in his arm and we don't want that. But there's still no promises how much function he'll get back or if the pain will completely go away after the procedure."

Sam had paled. He should've never listened to Dean; he should've dragged his stubborn ass to the hospital the moment he'd learned about his injuries. He shouldn't have forgotten; he shouldn't have let things get this far.

"Unfortunately, that's not all. The broken cheekbone you mentioned has also caused some trouble. We can't get any reaction to light from his left eye. Once in the surgery, our ophthalmologist will work on his left eye and its nerves, but again, we can't be sure how much of his eyesight he'll get back. The fact that he'd received the recent punch to the same cheek hasn't helped the situation for sure."

Oh man, this one was totally on him. He'd hit his brother on the one cheek that had already been broken not long ago.

How could he fix this? How could he face Dean if his brother didn't regain his eyesight? Of course, he knew that Dean wouldn't blame him since it'd initially been _Cas_ who'd caused the damage; heck, Dean probably wouldn't have blamed him even if it'd been him hurting his brother in the first place, but that knowledge didn't matter at that moment. Not only had he forgotten about Dean's injuries, he also had added to them. He was just as much to blame for this mess as were both Cas and Dean, himself. '_If not more.'_ He thought grimly.

"You can go and sit with him for now. We'll discuss the situation further once he's fully awake and aware of his surroundings. He's gonna need as much help and support as possible. This isn't going to be an easy road for him."

**.**

**.**

**... TBC ...**

**.**

**.**

* * *

**_A/N: Thanks for your comments, everyone (special thanks to anonymous reviewers for I couldn't reply to their lovely comments), and please once again let me know what_**_** you think**_**_! :)_**

_Sorry for any mistakes._

_._

_._


	3. Chapter 3

All Sam wanted to do was run away and never look back and that was mostly because he felt like he couldn't face Dean again, but at the same time he was so mad at Dean that he didn't know how to suppress the anger.

The selfless jerk had once again ignored his limits for so long that he was on the verge of falling apart. Maybe it was a good thing that Sam had lost his control; at least that punch had landed Dean in a hospital, making it impossible for Dean not to receive some medical attention for his more serious injuries.

As he sat by his brother's side, Sam started to think about the past few hours. He'd sent Kevin home, knowing that the younger man needed rest and more importantly he needed the safety that only their bunker could offer.

Hell's gate had stayed open after all.

Sighing deeply while questioning his decisions, _for the umpteenth time in the last week_, about not finishing the last trial, Sam noticed that Dean was coming around.

"Dean?... Hey, you with me, Man?"

It took Dean a few minutes and more than a couple of tries to finally open his eyes and take his surroundings in.

The whole time, Sam stood by his side and just waited for him to wake up completely and become aware.

Dean had a deep frown on his face when finally his eyes landed on him. "Sa-" he croaked, unable to finish that single word.

Quickly Sam grabbed the glass of water from the nightstand and helped Dean with it.

"Hey, man." he smiled down at his brother, not knowing what else to say.

Dean blinked in response and then closed his eyes, trying to remember what had landed him in a hospital this time. Surprisingly, he didn't feel groggy and without much effort he could remember everything clearly, which could explain why the first thing out of his mouth was: "You punched me."

Dean's statement clearly caught Sam off guard. "Um... I..." he was at a loss for words; deep down, he'd kinda wished that Dean wouldn't remember that.

"Whatever." Dean sighed. "Call the doctor or a nurse; I'm getting out of here."

That simple phrase managed to irritate Sam to no end. "You what? Are you completely out of your mind?" he growled. "What am I saying; of _course_ you are. You son of a bitch ignored your injuries for so long that now they don't even know if you can get back to normal. Aren't you even slightly rattled that you can't see a freaking thing out of your left eye?"

Dean closed his eyes and swallowed.

'_Slightly rattled?'_ That actually had really unsettled him and _that_ was why he wanted to get the hell out of there. Dean didn't know how to do nervous. He was also thinking that it was already too late and he'd gone half blind and if that was the case, then there was no reason for him to waste his time in a stupid hospital just to be treated like a pincushion.

The look of anguish on Dean's face deflated Sam's anger. "Dean?"

His brother opened his eyes and just stared at him with an unreadable look in his eyes.

"I'm sorry... I-" Sam trailed off. "I don't know what the hell has gotten into me lately. I shouldn't have punched you and I shouldn't have forgotten about your arm and eye and-"

"Enough."

"Dean-"

"No, Sam. Seriously. I'm not in the mood for a guilt trip here and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not really up to get you out of your funk. What happened was _not_ your fault and that's it. Drop it."

Dean's tone had a hard edge to it that Sam hadn't heard for years. It was a serious tone; like every time that Dean _meant_ what he was saying and was actually too tired to hide his true feelings, and yet it showed how exhausted he was. It really tore at Sam's heart.

"I... I'll get your doctor. They want to perform a surgery on your arm and one on your eye. It's not too late, Dean." Sam said, knowing full well what had scared his brother like that. Heck he'd be beside himself with fear if he was in Dean's shoes. So, all things considered, Dean was handling the situation pretty well, in Sam's opinion.

Saying that, Sam quickly walked out, not waiting for Dean to protest or talk back.

Before the doctor could meet Dean, Sam warned him about Dean's mood and although Dr. Shelton wasn't one to sugarcoat things, he inserted some extra optimism in his words once he tried to explain the situation to Dean. Losing hopes was the first step of giving up and he wasn't about to let his patient give up.

"So far, you seem to be in a good condition and I think it's safe to schedule your surgeries for tomorrow morning. If we perform both of them at the same time, we'll be able to spare you the extra discomfort. How does that sound?" he smiled down at the younger man who was lying in the bed and while clearly disconcerted, he was trying to look totally indifferent.

Dean sighed. "I don't think I have any other options here."

"Well, for tonight, we can leave you alone with your brother. But I'll be back to prepare you for your operations, first thing in the morning. Try and get some rest." he said and left the room.

The moment they were alone, Dean closed his eyes and turned to the left as much as the IV in his arm would allow him.

Sam wanted to talk to Dean and make sure that things were as good as possible between them, but somewhere along the way, he'd kinda lost his ability to talk about his feelings and he wasn't sure that they'd stay all civil if he broached that subject so soon. So, instead of talking, he just sat there quietly and studied his brother as he tried hard, _too hard_, to hide his anxiety.

Knowing that Sam was probably having a hard time, Dean tried to think of something to say to reassure his brother and to get rid of the palpable tension in the air. But truth to be told, he was merely too spent to keep his mask up and although he wasn't blaming Sam for his current condition -make no mistake, he _was_ mad for that punch, but he could forgive Sam for that and besides, they'd never talked about those kinda things before and he wasn't about to start now-, he didn't know what to say to him. So, for his part, Dean just tried not to show any emotion and tried hard to just get back to sleep. That way he might stop thinking about the less pleasant aspects of his life at that moment; say, being half blind and having an almost completely numb right arm.

Soon, Dean finally fell asleep and that actually made him lose control over his feelings; instead of looking relaxed, his brows drew together in a frown and lines of pain appeared around his mouth.

Sam wished he could lighten the burden his brother was clearly carrying or at least, make him talk about things. Bottling up those feeling sure couldn't be healthy, but who was he kidding? Bottling up emotions was Dean's specialty, except maybe in rare occasions or when he was around just two or three certain people who could look past his smoke and mirrors.

Suddenly a thought occurred to Sam and despite the dire situation, a small smile crept out of the corner of his mouth.

Maybe there was still a way to help Dean.

Standing from the chair he'd been occupying the last few hours, he left the room to make some phone calls.

**.**

**.**

**... TBC ...**

**.**

**.**

* * *

**_A/N: Share your ideas with me and again, thanks for your comments! :)_**

_Sorry for any mistakes._

_._

_._


	4. Chapter 4

The day of surgery didn't start any different. Again, Dean was too quiet when he woke up and except a few reassuring words and a squeeze of shoulder he didn't get anything from Sam.

All that kept Dean from breaking down was the thought that things couldn't get any worse and that he'd already came to term with his condition; so he told himself that he could keep it together and if after his surgeries things didn't look better, at least, he wouldn't be in so much pain anymore.

...

"Sam?"

Sam hadn't realized that he'd fallen asleep on the chair, waiting for Dean's doctor to come out of the OR. The fact that he had, showed just how tired and unwell he still was.

Blinking his eyes a few times to clear his vision, he thought that a nurse had come to tell him about Dean, but that wasn't a nurse who he found standing before him when finally his drowsy mind started to register his surroundings.

"Charlie." He suddenly jumped up from his seat.

Smiling widely, Charlie tried to hide the sadness in her eyes. "I came as soon as I got your message. How's Dean? Where is he now?"

Not seeing any reason to fight the urge, Sam pulled her into a fierce hug. "Thank you. Thank you for coming. I wasn't sure if you'd get my message or if you'd come."

"Oh, shut up." she punched him lightheartedly. "Of course I'd come. You guys had saved my life more than once and Dean is..." She paused, "How could I not come for Dean." her expression was one of absolute heartbreak as she remembered the strange bond that she and Dean shared. He really had started to become like an older brother to her and the fact that they could talk to each other openly, always helped the matter. She really did love Dean like a brother. "So, you didn't answer my questions. Where is he now? How's he?"

"He's still in the OR." glancing down at his watch, a look of worry come to Sam's face. "Oh man, he's been gone way too long. What are they doing in there?"

"Sam, are you going to give me the whole story or not?" she sat down on the chair, looking up at Sam expectantly.

Sam bit his lower lip and sat down, wondering where to start.

Finally with some push from Charlie he explained everything to her and told her about Dean's injuries, the unfinished last trial _and_ the punch. He also told her about Dean's mood and the fact that he'd been too quiet and too distant since waking up in that hospital room.

Charlie, true to her nature just sat there and listened patiently. She knew that if it was Dean talking, things would've been a lot easier, since they'd done it before. But with Sam it was a bit different. This was practically the first time that Sam was opening up to her.

"So, basically, what you're telling me is that Castiel almost killed Dean, then he healed him or he _thought_ he did because he actually hadn't healed him and then Dean ignored the pain for months and then you guys decided to leave the last trial unfinished,... Which is a good thing because Dean would've been so devastated if you'd died; and then you _punched_ him because he was trying to _help_?"

Sam blinked sheepishly. "Umm, yeah. That's it in a nutshell."

"Man, you deserve a punch right about now and I'd better never see this Castiel; I thought he was cool and helpful while it seems like he's actually a douche. Oh, and I really could give both you and Dean a lecture. Are you two emotionally impaired or something? You guys are brothers; how hard is that to talk to each other? Do you even know how lucky you are to have a brother?" there was a sad tone to her voice that Sam had never heard before. After all, Dean had always been closer to her.

Sam sighed and looked down. "Believe me, I know. I know the feelings of not having him around."

"I know." she nodded her understanding. She'd read about it in the Supernatural books. That was then that a disturbing thought occurred to her. "Wait a second. Has Dean been dealing with this pain the last time we met, too?"

"When was the last time we met?" Sam frowned, jogging his memory to remember the order of the events in the past few months. "Yeah... Yeah, the accident with Cas has happened sometime before that." he nodded thoughtfully.

Charlie went pale. "And here I thought all he was dealing with was his concerns for _your_ well-being."

Sam's eyes widened and his face, just like Charlie's, turned white. He'd punched Dean back then too and although it was to send Dean to Charlie's dream, it didn't change the fact that he'd hit Dean in his bad cheek. He wouldn't chastise himself for that, but it must've been extra painful for Dean to receive two punches in a row that night.

"Well, at least, _you_ look better than the last time we met." she shook her head to get rid of the scary thoughts that had attacked her and leaned back in her chair, willing to overcome the feelings of guilt for not noticing Dean's pain and discomfort. "So, how long exactly has he been in there?" she motioned to the OR's door with her head.

"Too long."

"Sam."

"Almost seven hours now."

"Oh." she slowly sat upright and swallowed. "Well, that could be a good thing, I suppose. I mean they must be making some progress, right?"

Not so surprisingly, that simple rhetorical question calmed Sam down so much that he didn't complain for the next one and a half hours that took Dean's doctor to finally show his face.

"Dr. Shelton. What took you so long?" Sam asked anxiously.

"_We_ had to perform a couple of delicate surgery, you know?" The older man smiled kindly. "And I thought it was better to wait and talk to you once I could give you more information about your brother's condition."

"So? How did it go?"

Looking at Charlie, Shelton raised an eyebrow, but before Sam could say anything, Charlie stretched out her hand. "Hi, I'm Charlie. I'm Dean and Sam' sister. Sam called me last night."

Sam was bewildered at that declaration and couldn't help but smile.

"Oh, good." Shelton nodded his approval as he shook hands with Charlie. "Having a sister around is always helpful."

"So?" She pressed.

"Right. First, let me tell you that things went even better than we initially thought they would and although it's too soon to say anything for sure, with the work my colleagues have done on your brother, we're cautiously optimistic of a good outcome."

_'That was promising, right?'_ Sam thought to himself but he felt a bit uneasy thinking that the doctor hadn't said anything about a full recovery. "Can you, um, elaborate? How good are we talking here exactly? Is he going to see from his left eye again? Is his going to regain full function of his right arm?"

"Like I said, too soon to be certain and from now on, a lot of it will depend on _him _and his willpower. We'll give him a few days and then we're going to start the physical therapy on his arm. I can't lie to you, those sessions are going to be long and somehow painful, but with the right amount of exercise, there should be minimal to no impairment or disability."

That was great news, even though from the sound of it, it'd be a long time before Dean could reuse that arm with no problem.

"What about his eye?" Charlie asked worriedly.

"That's a bit harder to say." Shelton looked her in the eyes. "We managed to repair the broken cheekbone and release the pressure on the optic nerve; and I should add here that we made sure there will be _minimal_ scaring left on his face from the incision and stitches; it really won't be visible in future." Dean was one good looking man and he didn't need a scar on his face. "But about his vision, sadly, our ophthalmologist thinks that some damage has already been done. We have to wait and check his eyes later, but Dean might need another surgery and he still might end up with some peripheral vision loss."

"O my God." Charlie put her hand up to her mouth as her eyes filled with unshed tears.

"Don't go there, now." Shelton rebuked kindly; things had gone well and he wanted them to know how optimist Dean's doctors were about everything. "We're hopeful that he can beat the odd and if there's any sight loss, it won't be severe enough to hold him back from his daily life."

'_Daily life? That wouldn't be enough for Dean.'_ Both Sam and Charlie had the same thought on mind, but they didn't say anything. How could they?

So they just decided to wait and see what would happen in future. After all, if there were anyone who could beat this and bounce right back, it'd be Dean.

.

As a precaution, they kept Dean in the ICU for one day before moving him to a regular room and it was only then that they finally let Sam and Charlie stay with him the whole time.

Dean slept for three days straight- of course it was a drug induced sleep- and for the two of those three days Sam stayed by his side.

By the third day, though, he felt like he was getting more and more agitated with each passing minute and finally he couldn't take it anymore. So without any real explanation, he left the hospital and went back to their bunker, telling himself and Charlie that he needed to make sure Kevin was alright. But they both knew that the truth was something else; emotionally, Sam wasn't doing so well and he needed a break.

He was feeling guilty on top of everything else and that was why the only thing that Charlie said to him before leaving was: _"Just don't stay gone, OK? You'll hurt him more if you don't come back."_

**.**

**.**

**... TBC ...**

**.**

**.**

* * *

**_A/N: OK, Dean will wake up in the next chapter. Promise! ;D But for now, what did you think about Charlie showing up? I'd love to know what you think._**

_Sorry for any mistakes._

_._

_._


	5. Chapter 5

It was around 8 pm of the third day after surgery when Dean finally started to stir.

After some long minutes and several tries, his only eye that wasn't bandaged, opened and his gaze landed on Charlie who had a broad smile on her face.

"Hey there." She said excitedly.

Dean frowned at first and blinked lazily, but then a faint smile sat at the corner of his mouth as he noticed the book in Charlie's hand. She clearly had been reading him a book and not just any book; it was _'The Hobbit'_. The same book she used to read to her Mom. _That felt nice_. Dean thought before drifting back to sleep.

"Well, _that_ was... Brief." Charlie observed, leaning back in her chair to resume reading the book aloud.

.

The next morning Dean was more alert when he woke up and after the morning checkup and some questions and answer that he exchanged with the doctors, he was actually awake enough to remember the events of last few days, which still didn't explain what Charlie was doing there or how she'd found up about him being in a hospital; so he asked her that very important question when she came back to his room after everyone else left.

"Sam called me. How else could I know?" She replied matter-of-factly.

"Where's-" Dean swallowed. "Where's he? Where's Sam?" the fact that he hadn't seen his brother since waking up was kinda saddening; was that why his brother had called Charlie? Because _he_ couldn't bother hanging around?

"He, umm... He went back to your bunker to check on your guest." she smiled brightly, deciding not to tell him the whole truth.

Dean saw through it, nonetheless. '_So that really was it, Sam just didn't want to stay there with him.'_ He was too weak to shake off those bitter thoughts. On the outside, he just smiled for Charlie and nodded his head tiredly.

"Hey, he'll be back soon." Charlie saw the look in his eyes and tried to reassure him.

"Yeah." he damn hoped so.

"Dean-"

"I think... I'm-" and before he could finish his sentence he was asleep.

Bending down, Charlie kissed Dean's forehead. "I love you. Get well soon, please." she said sadly.

She'd seen Dean being totally spent, worried and upset; life hadn't been easy on him and she knew it very well; yet, despite everything, Dean had always managed to stay positive and never seemed _that_ desperate. The man was a master of putting on a strong face.

It actually hurt to see him so close to breaking down and she sworn to herself that she'd help him with everything she had just to show him that he wasn't as alone as he seemed to think he was.

.

Charlie wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing that Dean slept a lot during the next couple of days. He was rarely awake and when he was he was awfully quiet, only talking when he was asked a question and like it wasn't bad enough, he'd smile even less.

Sam would just come back during nights and he wouldn't even stay for long. Charlie, of course, told Dean about those visits, but either Dean didn't believe her, or he couldn't find it good enough; because he looked even more devastated, if that was possible.

Finally when a day came that Dean could stay awake longer, Charlie decided not to talk about Sam, anymore. Instead she concentrated on the problem at hand.

"So, you were already suffering from those injuries and pain when we last met, huh?" she started the conversation, bringing Dean back from whatever depressing thought that had his mind occupied.

"Umm, not exactly."

"Dean." she rolled her eyes.

"Seriously. It wasn't bad at first."

"Right."

"I know what you think," Dean sighed, "but I couldn't think of myself back then. There was no time."

Charlie studied him for a few seconds. "Well, it doesn't matter now, because you're going to be alright."

"Aha."

She narrowed her eyes. "Have you given up already?"

No answer.

"Dean, what the hell? I though you said you're never going to let go."

"Of Sam." He growled. "Which is kinda futile since _he_ doesn't wanna be around."

"Dean, no. It's not true."

"Isn't it?" Dean suddenly looked flushed with anger. "He barely stands me, Charlie. I'm not saying he doesn't care, I know he does; but not enough to want me around. The guy doesn't need me nor does he _want_ me. I've been trying to tell myself otherwise; I've been trying to convince myself that he was actually happy that I came back from Purgatory, but deep down I could read it in his eyes that he had it better with me gone." He took a deep breath and closed his eye briefly. "I tried to help while he was dealing with the trials. I did my best to be there for him and help him through the path, but apparently all I've managed to do is pushing him further away. Somehow everything I've ever done for him has been wrong. Once he was old enough to decide for himself, he didn't want to hang around anymore."

Charlie felt her heart clench at those words. All the barriers were down and Dean was showing a rare moment of vulnerability. "You're not alone Dean." she said quietly. "Sam adores you and he'll come around; but I'm here, too." she felt a lump in her throat and her voice shook.

Dean gave her a faded smile and tried to get a grip.

"No." she said abruptly. "Don't. Please. You don't have to hide your feelings from me. I... I'm here for you Dean."

"Thanks. But there's nothing anyone can do, Charlie. No offense."

"None taken." she shrugged. "But you're wrong and I'll prove it. I love you, Dean. You're the brother I've never had."

"I thought that was Xbox." he joked weakly.

"No, Xbox and Ps3 are both my sisters." she chuckled.

"Right." he shifted in his bed and winced when his arm moved.

"I'll call the nurse. You need some painkillers."

But before she could go, Dean's left hand grabbed her wrist. "No."

"Dean-"

"I said no. Please, Charlie."

"I don't think you should be in pain. That slows down your progress, you know? You've been avoiding painkillers for a long time now."

"I can't." Dean said quietly.

"You can't? You can't what?" Charlie frowned in confusion and when she didn't get any answer she pushed gently. "Dean?"

"I can't take pills, Charlie. I can't. I won't..."

"Because they make you feel drowsy?" She was lost. "No, that's not it." she knew when Dean lied. For some reasons Dean couldn't lie to her. "Dean, what's it?"

Dean sighed. "I'm not sure that I'll be able to lay off them."

"What do you mean? Like you'll get addicted?" She frowned.

"When... Before..." He swallowed. "When Sam went to hell, I couldn't sleep; I couldn't do _anything_. I had to take pills to calm down my nerves a little bit and later I couldn't stop taking them. And then I started drinking like never before and... It didn't affect me much, but I don't want to get back to that road."

"Oh." Charlie sat down. It made sense. Dean really was on the edge of breaking down and it was only sane not to want to turn into pills and alcohol. "OK."

Dean smiled gratefully.

"What about something to just take the edge off?"

"Not now."

She looked desperate.

"I can't. I'm not sure I'll be able to control it this time." he looked away and suddenly it was even clearer to Charlie. Dean wasn't just worried about possible harms that came with pills and alcohol. He was afraid he'd go too far. He was afraid he'd want to end everything, he was... OH GOD. Her eyes widened; _things were worse that she'd imagined._

She really had to admire Dean for his willpower, though. Despite everything and despite being too close to the edge, he still hadn't given up. He was still fighting, even though he clearly thought that he didn't have much to fight for.

At this stage, most people; w_ell, most people wouldn't get to this stage, because how many people go through what Dean had? _Let's just say that most people near their _own_ breaking point, wouldn't care much, anymore. They'd just give up, at the very least.

The man lying on that bed was really the strongest person she'd ever met in her life. And losing both parents at the young age of 12, she'd seen _a lot_.

**.**

**.**

**... TBC ...**

**.**

**.**

* * *

**_A/N: Thanks for your lovely reviews and thanks for your support. Let me know what you think of this chapter. :)_**

_All mistakes are mine._

**_._**

**_._**


	6. Chapter 6

The day Dean went through his first physical therapy session was also the day he managed to convince his doctor to let him be switched to outpatient status and come back for every session of therapy.

He didn't like hospitals and this time, it was affecting his dark mood even worse than usual.

He had his eye checked up and at least now he could see out of it; so the blurry vision and the seemingly dark area around the corners were alright with him; at least for a while.

Before letting him leave the hospital, his doctor had once again bandaged his eye, telling him that it still needed rest. Exactly one week from that day they'd decide if he needed another surgery or not.

So, totally exhausted and in more pain than he'd like to admit, Dean Winchester left the hospital that afternoon.

Charlie hadn't left his side even for a second and she'd actually managed to make him chuckle a few times. He really was thankful for her presence and efforts and had made sure she knew it, too.

"So, back to your cave?"

"Do we have anywhere else to go to?" Dean asked, his voice betraying the fatigue he was trying to hide.

"I could name a few other places-" She shrugged and then added, "but one look at your face and I know I should think twice. Your bed is probably missing you."

"First of all, there's nothing wrong with my face." Dean pouted with mock-hurt, trying harder to hide his dark mood from Charlie, even if it was for a few seconds. "And second of all, my bed... Man, do I miss it."

She snickered. "And I'm going to cook you something really good. You need your strength back."

"You can cook too?"

She punched him in the left arm and the car swayed a bit.

"Hey, hands on the wheel."

"I know how to drive." she growled.

"Yeah, I can see."

"I can ditch you here, you know?"

"Fine, if that means I wouldn't become Roadkill."

"Good thing I know how to hunt one."

"You really have been busy embracing our world, haven't you?" Dean said with a tone of amusement to his voice.

During the past few days, Charlie hadn't heard that tone of voice at all and now that she had, she wasn't going to let go of it. She was proud of herself for bringing that tone out, so the rest of their trip to the bunker, she talked about the things she'd learned about Supernatural creatures and asked Dean about them.

Once the car came to a halt in front of their place, Dean's face went back to empty and impassive. He reached with his left hand to open the door since his right arm was still in a sling, but his hand lingered on the door handle.

Studying Dean for some seconds, Charlie decided to do something to get rid of the haunted look. "OK, let's get you to bed." she said, knowing well it was an opening Dean couldn't resist.

She waited for Dean to tease her about '_giving in to his absolute perfection and changing her team again so she could be with him'_, but to her utter disappointment, Dean didn't even gave her a strange _look_; he just nodded his head and stepped out of the car.

The sadder thing was that when they entered the bunker, Kevin looked happier to see Dean than Sam did. For some reasons that neither Dean nor Charlie knew, Kevin wasn't on good terms with Sam and wouldn't even spare him a glance.

Things kinda felt awkward; Sam did look happy to have Dean back, but it seemed like he wasn't sure what to do or how to treat his brother, which added to Dean's frustration and with a quiet sigh and a few mumbled words, he walked to his room and closed the door behind.

"So, what's the story?" Charlie asked once she was alone with Kevin in the hall.

Kevin looked her up and down. "What story?"

Charlie rolled her eyes and motioned for him to follow her to the kitchen. "Come on; you were looking daggers at Sam. What's the story behind it? It was clear, you can't deny it."

"There's no reason to deny it." Kevin said coldly. "He left Dean on the floor for nearly a whole day, not caring that his brother hadn't regained consciousness after being punched by him and here I'm supposed to trust him to be there for me when I need his help. Yeah, right. Like he was there last time. I have every right to be mad."

"What do you mean he left Dean on the floor?" Charlie was lost; she was sure she'd heard wrong.

"Didn't he tell you when he called you?" Kevin frowned. "Of course he didn't; why would he? Here's the story; he punched Dean in the face and don't ask me why, because I have no idea what they were fighting about. I heard their angry shouts and when I went to Sam's room Dean was already on the floor, unconscious. Sam was angry and so full of himself that he told me to leave Dean there because he believed that Dean was merely exhausted; like he hadn't just been punched. And after about 16 _hours_, when I finally decided that it was enough, Sam didn't even bother to come to the hospital with us. _I_ took Dean to the hospital and stayed with him the whole night and Sam didn't even bother to call; hell he didn't even answer his phone when _I_ called him. I had to _lie_ to keep the doctors from calling the cops. And.. And-" he was seething.

Charlie's eyes were wide as saucers; Sam had decidedly skipped those details when he'd been telling her the _whole_ story.

"Nice to know my _brother_ cares so much." Dean's voice coming from the doorway startled both Charlie and Kevin.

But before either of them could say anything, Dean turned on his heel and walked back to his room.

He was in pain and it clearly wasn't just physical; the battle he was having inside was way too familiar for his liking and he was afraid he'd lose it this time. He wasn't sure he was strong enough to pull through, like he had in the past.

Sam's trials had taken their toll on him and although it looked like that it was Sam who was doing the hard work, the truth was that sitting aside and not being able to help was harder in Dean's eyes. He knew for sure that he wouldn't be _this_ spent if he'd been the one going through those trials. It'd torn at his heart when he hadn't been able to do anything to help his brother and watching him fade away was the worst thing he'd experienced.

And here he thought he'd, at least, offered moral support, but apparently, once again, it hadn't been enough.

What he was feeling at that moment was a mixture of rage and guilt; neither of them were a new feeling to Dean since he'd been accompanied by them his whole life.

Even before Mary's untimely death, Dean, the little kid he was, had his moments of feeling guilty for things that weren't his fault. But at least back then, Mary was there to comfort him and take care of things.

Sighing, once again Dean wished his mother were alive and there for them. Things would never get so out of hand if Mary hadn't died.

.

If you asked Charlie later, she'd tell you that she wasn't sure how she'd managed to stay at the bunker those days.

Things were bad, as in awkward and unnerving bad.

She had no idea what to do or who to talk to; Sam would rarely show his face out of his room and when he did he always looked like a caged animal; like he was trapped, looking for a way to run and never look back.

Apart from the initial conversation, Charlie hadn't talked to Kevin either. They'd share a few words over the meal if they ever ate together, but that was about it.

And then there was Dean, who surprisingly didn't seem quiet broken anymore. In fact, it more looked like his mind was set on something that wasn't pleasant; so even though he was still too quiet, he had a fire in his eyes that sometimes scared Charlie; not for her safety, no; she knew Dean would never do anything to hurt her; she was merely worried for Dean.

It seemed like Dean was looking for a way to release the bottled-up anger and she knew the man well enough to know it usually meant that he was looking for a hunt or something and considering Dean's condition that was a very dangerous thing to do. He could get himself killed and frighteningly, Charlie wasn't sure it wasn't what Dean was looking for.

So she'd taken it upon herself to never leave Dean's side. She'd drive him to the hospital for his physical therapy and she'd spend all her free time in his room, talking nonstop about everything and anything. Dean would listen, smile, frown and sometimes he'd even throw in a comment. But the look in his eyes was getting just fiercer.

The next week, when the doctor announced that his eye didn't need any other surgeries and as long as he was careful, he'd get most of his vision back, he went back to the bunker, opened his laptop and searched for a case.

"In case you've forgotten, your right arm is still in a sling and you can hardly move it without yelling in pain and you're so not allowed to take the bandages off your eye which means your depth perception is off. So tell me, what do you think you're doing searching for a hunt? You think I'm gonna let you put your life in danger after everything that I've done?" Charlie didn't care if Dean thought she was ranting. She was angry and scared and she tended to talk when she felt helpless.

"You sound like my grandmother. _Except_ I never really knew her." Dean said absently before answering her questions. "I'm not gonna hunt Lucifer down, he's still in the pit." Dean looked up briefly. "Hopefully." He added. "It's a simple salt and burn."

"No."

Dean raised an eyebrow.

"No." she repeated.

"Charlie, thanks for being there for me, but I need to get away from here for a while. I need to do something. I'm on the edge of snapping at someone and _that_ someone might end up being my brother and I don't intend to do that. So, yes, I _will_ go hunt this thing."

Charlie looked at him with understanding, but she still wasn't convinced. "So take a vacation. Get away from here. I know how to have fun." she wiggled her eyebrows.

Rolling his eyes, Dean shook his head. "Hacking is not _that_ much fun. Now, if you were talking about breaking into a morgue-" he smirked, remembering the last time they worked a case together.

Charlie turned white.

Dean grinned wider and that was something that Charlie hadn't seen lately. _So, maybe a hunt wasn't such a bad idea, after all._

Another thought occurred to her. "You know, Sam won't let you go."

The smile evaporated immediately making Charlie cringe inwardly.

"I don't need Sam's permission." his voice was cold.

"He cares about you, Dean. He might be really bad at showing it, but he does. He doesn't want to see you hurt."

Deciding not to argue about something that sensitive, Dean changed the subject. "The next session of physical therapy is in 4 days. I have enough time to go and take care of this son of a bitch."

"Dean," Charlie whined. "I don't like the smell of corpses and I don't like digging graves."

"Who said anything about you coming?"

"What? You think I'd let you out of my sight?" She put her hands on her hips.

"I was hoping so."

"Dream on." She knew she wasn't going to win that argument; so she decided that staying on Dean's good side and going with him was the next best option.

But still hoping that Sam would manage to convince his brother not to leave, she walked out of Dean's room and went straight to Sam's.

**.**

**.**

**... TBC ...**

**.**

**.**

* * *

**_A/N: Thanks a lot for your comments and support. Let me know what you think of this chapter. :)_**

_All mistakes are mine._

**_._**

**_._**


	7. Chapter 7

_"Who said anything about you coming?" Dean asked.  
_

_"What? You think I'd let you out of my sight?" She put her hands on her hips._

_"I was hoping so."_

_"Dream on." She knew she wasn't going to win that argument; so she decided that staying on Dean's good side and going with him was the next best option._

_But still hoping that Sam would manage to convince his brother not to leave, she walked out of Dean's room and went straight to Sam's._

* * *

"Dean?" Sam's angry shout echoed off the wall of the bunker as he approached Dean's room and slammed the door open. "What the hell is Charlie talking about?"

The confusion on Dean's face turned to a look of anger and betrayal the moment Charlie's name left Sam's mouth.

Charlie, who'd run after Sam to stop him, came to a halt just behind Sam and sent an apologetic look Dean's way; but Dean's eyes, or rather eye, wasn't on her anymore; his attention was back to Sam; his posture stiff and erect, radiating defiance.

"So?" Sam demanded angrily.

"So?" Dean retorted coldly, his eye hard and distant.

"Wasn't that enough that you almost lost the function of half of your body? Now you need to actually go out there and get yourself killed?" Sam was worried but lately, it kept coming out as anger.

"And what do you care?" his brother asked calmly, turning back to his duffel bag. He wanted to yell back, but he knew better ways to set Sam off, like looking nonchalant and indifferent, and for some reasons Dean was angry enough to play dirty.

He wasn't prepared, though, for the amount of anger that Sam was about to show. He had no idea his brother was so resentful and outraged.

Sam's face suddenly turned so red that for a second, Dean got worried if his brother was going to have an aneurysm. He even absently thought if he could shoot lasers from his eyes now that he was so angry. Sam'd had powers before, who knew what else he could do all of a sudden; that thought brought a faint smirk to his face which probably was the trigger for what happened next.

"You think it's amusing?" Sam yelled at the top of his voice. "You sun of a bitch stand there and smirk when I'm trying to get it through your thick skull that getting yourself killed won't help the world?"

Dean rolled his eyes and was about to say that Sam was being overdramatic as usual and that a simple salt and burn wouldn't kill him but Sam wasn't done yelling.

"You know what? I actually don't care anymore. Not when _you_ don't give a shit about your own health. I'm sick and tired of trying to keep you alive."

"Oh shut up." Dean yelled back; he'd had enough. "You have no right to utter those words when all I've been doing the last few months was trying to keep _you_ alive and you were the one refusing any help."

"Dammit; there was nothing you could do back then." Sam shouted back. "You were just a thorn in my side which wouldn't go away whatever I did and all you _did_ was looking at me like I'm the biggest disappointment on the planet that you don't know how to get rid of."

"Are you even listening to yourself?" Dean's unbandaged eye was wide with rage. "I killed one of the best friends I've had in years; hell, one of the very_ few_ friends I've had during my _whole life,_ to get your sorry ass back from hell. How dare you tell me that I wanted to get rid of you or that I was disappointed in you? You are mistaking me for yourself, bro." Dean spat; remembering Benny's death and their goodbye was upsetting him more than he already was. "I told you in that church, too; I will _never_ put anything before you. _Never_."

By then Kevin had joined the group and was looking at them wearily. This really was getting old.

Charlie felt remorseful for telling Sam about Dean's decision to leave; she'd never imagined that Sam would react this way.

What was wrong with those two, anyway? She was sure that with some soft words from Sam, Dean would reconsider going to that hunt. But here they were, with the brothers shouting and pushing each other further away.

She must've missed some parts of the argument while musing over the situation, because what she heard next sent shivers down her spine. She instantly started to think of the rituals and chants she'd read about in books and articles, trying to remember how to exorcise a demon, because other than being possessed, there simply was no explanation for Sam's behavior. Why else would he say those hurtful words to his brother, of all people?

No; Charlie refused to believe her ears. There were no ways Sam would take a swing at Dean like that and then blame him for every shitty thing in his life.

"I've never wanted this life but you've always pulled me into it. But then again, you can't even fathom the fact that while you're hurt you should rest; how could I expect you to understand it when I say I don't want to deal with this life and this family? You've always been a brainless soldier. And you know what? If it weren't for you, I'd be with Amelia right now; having no worries in the world. You should've never come back from Purgatory."

The last phrase did it.

Right when it was out of Sam's mouth, a grim silence filled the space. Dean's face and eye were stony and unreadable, but there was no doubt that he was hurt and that the metaphorical dagger had met its aim.

Sam seemed aghast at his own words as his jaw clamped shut.

Charlie was sure that _her_ jaw had fallen to the floor and there was nothing that could set it back in its right place. Even Kevin's eyes were wide with shock.

Dean snapped out of it sooner than everyone else as a rueful smile curled the corners of his mouth. Sighing deeply, he turned around and put a few more things into his bag, including some more pieces of clothing and a couple of pictures that were on his desk.

Taking a last look around, he silently grabbed his duffel bag and walked past Sam, to the door. His shoulders slightly hunched.

"Dean... I-" Sam tried to force words out, but Dean didn't stop in his track and walked away.

Running quickly after his brother, Sam called out and grabbed Dean's shoulder to turn him around. "I didn't mean it." he panted.

"Yes, you did." Dean's voice was quiet and resigned. "I kept telling myself that you were happy I was back, but the look on your face the first day you saw me and then everything after that kept saying otherwise. I was fooling myself and it's about time I faced the truth."

Sam didn't know what to say and by the time he realized that staying silent was a confirmation to what Dean had said, it was too late and Dean was gone.

A sharp stinging pain on his cheek startled him and as his hand went to his throbbing cheek, he looked down and saw the one who'd slapped him in the face.

Charlie stood there merely another second to glare at him angrily, before running after Dean.

His cheek was really throbbing by then, but he figured that he'd deserved it and at least Charlie had gone after Dean. Hopefully she could keep him safe long enough for Sam to find a way to amend the situation.

And hopefully Dean would forgive him again, believing that he was still under so much pressure that he couldn't control his stupid anger. He kept aiming his anger at the convenient target and sadly that target was the person who'd kept him in line _and_ safe all those years; the _only _person who'd constantly been there for him.

Why did he knew so well which buttons to push when it came to Dean and why did he have to push them all the time?

_Dammit, what had he done?!_

_._

Dean had taken off pretty fast and Charlie thought that considering his injuries, that was both scary and impressive. She'd followed him in her own car and surprisingly Dean didn't try to lose her, because she was sure she wouldn't stand a chance if that was what Dean wanted.

So finally, a few miles outside Kansas, Dean pulled over into the parking lot of a motel and Charlie followed. Waiting in her car to see what Dean was about to do, she was startled when her phone started to ring.

It was Dean.

"Umm, hi?" she answered with a little bit of uncertainty.

"Park that thing and get in my car." Dean said surly.

"Can I drive your car?"

"No." Came the quick and firm response.

"Then _you_ park yours and get in my car, because we both know that you've been lucky that no cop has pulled you over yet with that patch over your eye."

Dean cut the line and was about to start the car on and just leave when the passenger door opened and Charlie jumped in with a bag over her shoulder, pouting like a five year old.

"Seriously, Dean. You shouldn't drive."

"Or what? You'll run to Sam to rat on me?"

_Ouch, that hurt._ Charlie winced. "Not my best move." she tried to placate. "In my defense, though, I was worried about you and never in million years could I imagine Sam reacting the way he did. I thought some brotherly love would convince you to stay."

_Brotherly love._ Dean snorted at that. "Even though you don't know Sam that well, the past week should've told you something."

"I'm sorry?" her head was bent down and she was looking at Dean from the corner of her eye.

Dean's body slightly relaxed as the tension left him and he nodded his acceptance.

"Let me drive?" she tried her luck once again.

After a few seconds, Dean finally gave in and opened his door to change his place with Charlie. He couldn't lie to himself, he was hurting, both physically and mentally and although it wasn't his first time driving his beloved car in that condition, he didn't see any reason to do it now. He was too exhausted and strangely enough, he felt like he could trust Charlie with his baby. After all, she'd trusted him in her dream and he thought he had to return that favor.

After Charlie calmed down from the initial excitement of being behind the wheel of Dean's Impala, they fell into a comfortable silence. Mostly because Charlie knew it wasn't the right time to make Dean talk.

"So, where are we going exactly?" she asked when she realized that she had no idea which exit she had to take.

Dean blinked and sat upright, looking out the windshield with some confusion, as if Charlie's voice had brought him back from some deep thoughts which probably was the case. "Just drive for now."

"No hunt?"

"No."

"What changed your mind?"

"You."

Charlie's head snapped towards Dean and she stared at him.

"Whoa." Dean almost yelled. "Eyes on the road. No funny stuff when you're driving my baby."

Nodding fiercely, Charlie turned her gaze back to the road. "I'm pretty convincing. Aren't I?" she grinned cheekily. "I mean look at us, I've managed to change your mind about hunting and you couldn't resist pulling over when I followed you and then you let me drive."

"Yeah, you're like a headache I don't need at the moment." Dean growled.

"Whatever floats your boat." she laughed.

"I need to look for Cas." Dean said without preamble.

"Shall I stop at the next motel on our way to nowhere, then?" She sounded so understanding that Dean had to smile. "I have my laptop and I can help you find him."

"Only if he was being held in some government buildings."

"Hey, I can do many things other than hacking." she protested loudly.

"Like tracing a fallen angel? I don't think they have some sort of tracking chip." Dean quipped.

Sighing, she realized that Dean probably had a point. "Well, we should start somewhere."

"I _have_ started somewhere; but there's nothing so far."

"So, what's your plan? Should we check the hospitals? File a missing person report?" she was genuinely puzzled.

Dean frowned and tilted his head. "That actually sounds good."

"Then I'll pull over when I see the next motel." she announced proudly and shifted a little behind the wheel to get more comfortable.

She was determined to help Dean and she didn't want to let him down again.

She'd go by Dean's rules this time, because she hadn't last time and then some words had been exchanged that she knew would haunt her for the rest of her life; and if _she_ felt that bad, then how was Dean feeling?

And... And she was sure that Sam was regretting his words too, which meant he would try to fix things and she'd vowed to do anything in her power to make it happen and she'd do it for _Dean_, because anyone who knew Dean Winchester the slightest, knew how much he cared about his family and his brother and that as long as they had issues, Dean would hurt pretty bad, even if he always hid his feelings pretty well.

**.**

**.**

**... TBC ...**

**.**

**.**

* * *

**_A/N: _****_So? What do you think of this chapter? I'd love to read your thoughts._**  


**_ Sorry for the late update. Thanks again for your comments and support. _**

_All mistakes are mine._

**_._**

**_._**


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N: Just remember that although this story happens after season 8 finale, it has nothing to do with the actual season 9. No spoilers or anything related to the new season**_.

_This is the last chapter. Enjoy it._

* * *

While Charlie and Dean tried to find a way to locate Cas, she kept quiet about Dean's problem with his brother and never addressed it again. At the police station they filled out a report and answered some questions about Castiel, telling them that they were looking for a Jimmy Novak who had lost his memory a while back.

But after two days there was still nothing.

Dean just hoped that his friend was alive; he wasn't even sure if Cas could remember being an angel now that he wasn't one anymore, but judging by what he had seen in that alternate future back when they were fighting the Apocalypse, he guessed that Cas could remember and he knew if that was the case, the fallen angel wouldn't be in a good place; mentally and emotionally.

Cas had a habit of blaming himself for the mishaps in the world and to tell the truth, he was to blame to some extent, but he sure didn't deserve a punishment as severe as falling from heaven, his _home_.

And Dean knew for a fact that if they didn't find him fast, he'd start doing some pretty stupid things to fix the mess that was now their world and knowing Cas he might cause even more damage in the process.

Besides, they all needed some answers. They didn't know what had happened up there to cause this chaos and didn't know who they could trust or who was the enemy.

Of course, personally, Dean resented every single angel except Castiel; so trusting them was out of question, anyway. But that didn't mean that he didn't want to know who was responsible for all those angels' fall.

"Hey, Dean?" Charlie came out of the bathroom to find Dean staring blankly at the laptop's screen; looking miles away.

"Hmm." he answered absently.

"I was thinking that... Umm, well, the cops have your number, right?"

Charlie's tone of voice caught Dean's attention and he looked up. "Yeah?"

"Well, I thought... You know, right now, we don't have much to work on, and I know that you wanna look for your friend and all, but well-"

Dean looked amused. "Charlie? Just say it."

"OK, OK. Well, I thought we could go out and have a decent meal for a change."

Dean arched an eyebrow. "And what do you call a decent food?"

"Well, something other than Chinese, Pizza and hamburger, I guess. Come on," she whined. "We could even take something and go eat it somewhere nice, you know?"

Dean wanted to protest, but he actually found the idea pretty intriguing, so he closed the laptop's lid and stood up. "Alright."

"Alright? Just like that?"

"What? It's just a dinner; besides, you _are_ pretty convincing." Dean grinned as he grabbed his car keys and walked out of the room. Finding his way to the passenger seat, he once again let Charlie behind the wheel as they drove off to a diner or a restaurant.

...

"Alright, say it." Charlie rolled her eyes.

Dean grinned. "I thought you were tired of Pizza." he said as he grabbed a slice from the box.

They had stopped to buy a large pizza instead of going to a diner and then Charlie drove them to a wooded area to sit on the impala's hood and eat the Pizza. Dean had given Charlie a look of amusement and kept grinning the entire way until finally Charlie gave in and asked him to say what he wanted; Dean was clearly dying to mock her.

Charlie rolled her eyes. "This is different. We're not in that suffocating motel room anymore."

"So _that_ makes Pizza a decent food?" Dean raised an eyebrow.

"Shut up." Charlie chuckled and they ate in a comfortable silence.

When they were done eating, Charlie wiped her fingers with a tissue and studied Dean who had his unbandaged eye upward, looking at the night sky.

"We used to do this a lot. Sam and I." Dean sighed.

Charlie could see that Dean was missing those days with his brother. "He's been calling me to ask about you."

"I've noticed." Dean said curtly.

Charlie's eyes widened, but she stopped herself from asking '_how'_. "He's sorry." she said instead.

Silence.

"That's not enough, though. Is it?" She asked worriedly. What if there was no way to amend the situation?

A deep sigh left Dean's lips and he smiled bitterly. "Don't worry; it's hardly our first fight. Admittedly, we've never gone _this_ far... Not since..." he trailed off.

"Since when?"

"Since he was drinking demon blood."

She'd read the Supernatural books; he didn't need to keep _that_ a secret to protect Sam.

Charlie frowned and stared at him for a few seconds and suddenly realization and concern dawned on her. She could now clearly remember that part of the books; Sam calling Dean weak, knocking him down and trying to strangle him. "Oh." was all she could mutter.

At least Sam had an excuse back then. It was worse this time and even then, he hadn't said to Dean's face that he should've never come back.

"I don't think he meant it." she spoke quietly. "In fact, he's been telling me over and over how sorry he is and how he didn't mean those words."

Dean remained silent but hopped off the hood of his car and went to driver's side.

Charlie obediently followed his move, only she went to the passenger seat, not saying a word about Dean being behind the wheel with an arm still in sling.

"You're not gonna stay away from him forever, are you?" she asked quietly.

Dean wanted to say '_no_'; he really wanted to say that things would be alright and that they'd eventually get over it, but for the first time in years, he wasn't sure they would. He wasn't sure it was wise to go back to Sam. So he just stayed quiet and started the car; believing that only time could tell, as it always had.

.

.

Two more days and Dean finally had to go back to Kansas for the next session of his physical therapy. He checked into a hotel near the hospital and Charlie didn't say a word about it.

Dean had insisted that he was fine and that she didn't have to stay with him all the time, but she made it clear that she wouldn't go anywhere and it wasn't like she had anything special to do.

If you asked Dean, he'd say that the first day back to the hospital was almost a great day, because they finally took the bandages off of his left eye and told him that the only protection he needed for his eye was a pair of sunglasses which he had to wear for at least the next couple of weeks, but everything else looked good. His peripheral vision was a bit off and greyish, but it always beat being blind; besides, he'd been told that as long as he didn't push himself too hard and didn't get hit in the face again, he'd regain his sight completely.

His doctor had also warned him about his cheekbone, telling him that because of the severe injury he'd suffered, he was susceptible to more breaks and injuries and that had to be extra careful because of the sensitive optical nerve.

The only downside of his new situation was that with the bandage over his left eye, he'd lost his depth perception and had gotten used to it, so his balance was a bit off now that he could see with both eyes; but of course it wouldn't last long, so all was good.

He wasn't so lucky with his right arm. The therapy had hurt way more than he expected and he'd been forced to take a pain pill afterwards which had sent him to a fitful sleep as soon as he got back to the hotel.

Once he woke up due to nature's call, he was still feeling groggy and that was what he hated the most about pain killers. The grogginess would haunt him for at least a couple of days even though the other effects of the pain pill would be completely gone after a few hours. How was that fair?

"I was sure you'd sleep for the rest of the week." Charlie said as she walked in with a pocket in her hand and a big smile on her face.

"Next time I said yes to painkiller, you just knock me out before I can take one." Dean growled.

Charlie had closed the blinds so Dean wouldn't have to wear his shades inside their room, but the light still hurt his left eye.

"What's that?" he gestured to the pocket in her hand.

"Breakfast. Oh, and your physical therapist called, no session for today."

"What? Why?" he needed to get fit sooner and he wouldn't if he didn't go to his PT sessions regularly.

"I don't know, he talks too fast." She frowned, "but he said something about your doctor calling him. Apparently you have to take another couple of days off before your next session."

"Great, just what I need; stall this as long as possible." he growled indignantly.

Charlie handed him his coffee and wisely kept her comment to herself.

They were half through their breakfast when a knock on the door startled them.

Dean frowned. "Who's that?" he asked Charlie skeptically.

"How would I know?" She shrugged and went to open the door.

The light coming from the door hit Dean's eyes so suddenly that he had to close them and reach for his shades.

He kept his eyes close for a few more seconds to get rid of the dizziness and when he opened them, he was shocked to see Sam standing there in front of him, with the now ever existent frown lines between his eyebrows. Looking around, Dean realized that Charlie was quietly getting her tablet to leave the room.

When she noticed that Dean was looking at her, she bit her lower lip and quietly said, "I had no idea; I swear."

And Dean knew she was telling the truth so he just gave her a tight smile and waited for her to leave; all along carrying on eating his breakfast like he wasn't feeling both upset and distraught.

Once the door clicked shut, Sam lowered himself to a chair and put his hands on the table.

"Good to see you're finally free from that bandage." he said to get rid of the awkward silence.

"Uh-huh."

"I talked to your doctor. He said there won't be any lasting damage."

"Hmm."

'_Not even monosyllabic answers. Just grunts.'_ Sam thought and knew that it meant his older brother was beyond angry.

"Look, um, I know you don't want to see me-"

"_I _don't want to see you?" Dean growled. "Don't you dare put that on me. _You_ are the one who made it clear that I wasn't welcome back."

Sam had the courtesy to look ashamed and regretful. Casting his eyes down, he said. "I really didn't mean those words. You know that I could've _never_ meant that."

"Actually, no. I don't." Dean's voice was icy.

"Dean-" Sam protested loudly.

"_Don't Dean me_." Dean said sharply. "How many times have you said the same thing just with different words? Huh, Sam? You may not have gone so far as to say _'get the hell back to hell'_, but you've made it clear, on more than one occasion, that you didn't want me around."

"For God's sake, Dean. Just because I want different things in life and my definition of family is different from yours, doesn't mean I want you gone."

"You could've fooled me." Dean said coldly; the thing was that he was hurting and tired and didn't feel like moving on so fast.

"I'm sorry, alright? I don't want to see you hurt and I don't want you gone. I'm just in a really bad place and... And... Dammit, I don't even know where it'd come from." he looked down again. "I really am sorry and would do _any_thing to prove it to you. If I could turn the clock back to that day to change things, I would. I swear. The thing is I was already really scared for you, and I was feeling guilty and when Charlie told me about you wanting to go hunting, I just lost it."

That was _not _an excuse and for the first time in years, Dean wasn't willing to take shit from Sam. He was damn tired of being treated like dirt. Why everyone in his life had to either die early or turn their back on him?

_It really sucked to be him._ He figured for the umpteenth time.

"Look, can you just come back to the bunker? I'll leave if that's what you-"

"Shut the hell up, Sam." Dean roared angrily. He really had had enough. "Don't put your own words in my mouth. I've always wanted you around and that's what you and everyone else have _always_ found me guilty of. So don't you say that _I_ want you gone."

"Alright. Alright." Sam put his hands up to show he'd surrendered. _Man, was Dean angry._ When he'd asked Charlie how Dean was doing, she'd told him that he was dangerously close to the edge and that he'd either get so mad to see just red or he'd have a complete breakdown if he was approached wrongly. And Sam didn't want either of those things. He'd had time to think and despite what he'd said, he didn't want to lose his brother. Dean was his rock and although he didn't like to admit it,_ not even to himself,_ it was times like these when he felt too close to losing Dean that he realized he needed Dean and never wanted him away.

"Bad choice of words." he tried to amend and winced slightly. "Will you come back? We don't have to immediately have a talk or pretend like everything is OK."

Dean was silent. His left hand was clenching at his right arm as his outburst had aggravated his injured arm.

"You wanna find Cas and get some answers. Don't you?" Sam asked after a few seconds. "We can work together and we have both Kevin and Charlie on our side. Let's just focus on finding Cas for now and whenever you feel like it, we'll talk."

Dean couldn't remember the last time he'd heard his brother talking so softly; he sighed and got up from his chair. For a second Sam was afraid that Dean would send him his way, but to his immense relief, Dean grabbed his duffel bag, and told him to call Charlie.

"Thank you." he felt the urge to say it.

"Nothing is fixed, Sam. And I'm done pretending." Dean's voice was resigned.

"I understand. We'll take baby steps."

Dean wasn't sure he even wanted _that_. But then again, he was tired and in pain and let's not forget that he was still feeling groggy. So maybe once he felt physically better, he'd find it in himself to talk about other issues with Sam.

He'd go with the flow and see what would happen next. For now, he had to work to regain his arm function and of course he needed to find Cas. They needed answers.

There was a knock on the door and assuming that it was Charlie, Dean just yanked the door open; ready to ask her if she'd forgotten to take the key.

What he saw, though, shocked him to the core.

It wasn't Charlie at the door.

There, standing at the threshold, with a goofy and huge smile on his face, was the last person they expected to see _ever_ again. "Dean... Sam."

"Gabriel?"

**.**

**.**

**... The End...**

**.**

**.**

* * *

**_A/N: _**_Yeah, this is it! _

_The part about Gabriel is something for another time... Maybe! I'm not sure! At first I thought about adding a short epilogue or something so Gabriel could talk, too, but I probably won't do that now; what with all the spoilers and promos out there which are totally different from what I had on mind.  
Anyway, I just __**always**__ wanted Gabriel back and in a situation like this, with fallen angels and everything, Gabriel could be of great help.  
_

_**SO**__... __**Tell me what you think.**_

_Thanks to anyone who reviewed, faved or followed this story. Your support and nice words always mean a lot to me._

_All mistakes are mine._

**_._**

**_._**


End file.
